Garlic Cheeseburgers

If you’re going to make garlic cheeseburgers, don’t do it halfway. Don’t just sprinkle a bit of garlic salt on a patty and call it done. No. Get some garlic in everywhere. In the patties. On the patties. On the buns. And then add some more. Your goal is to make sure no vampires would dare come within 500 feet of you. Get ready for it. Here comes the garlic!

Garlic Cheeseburgers

You’re not going to find a much easier burger to make than these garlic cheeseburgers. We’re not making some fru-fru $22 brew pub burger here. And we’re not making some burger that you’re going to make for that first date, either. These are gonna hang with you for a while, so to speak, so share them with close friends and loved ones. The ones that won’t mind the garlic.

Still craving more garlic flavor? Sprinkle some Holy Garlic! seasoning on top of your burgers just before serving.

Garlic Cheeseburgers
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5 from 1 vote

Garlic Cheeseburgers

Plenty of garlic flavor in every bite!
Course Main
Cuisine American
Keyword burgers, garlic
Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 15 minutes
Servings 6
Calories 566kcal

Ingredients

For the burger seasoning

For the garlic butter

  • ½ cup butter
  • 2 teaspoons garlic minced

For the burgers

  • 8 hamburger buns
  • 1 ½ pounds ground beef
  • garlic salt to taste
  • 8 slices American cheese

Instructions

For the burger seasoning

  • Combine all ingredients in a small bowl.

For the garlic butter

  • Melt the butter over medium-low heat in a small skillet. Add the garlic and stir. Keep warm until ready to use, stirring often.

For the burgers

  • Fire up your grill for direct cooking.
  • Brush some of the garlic butter mixture onto the sliced sides of the buns and toast on the grill.
  • Place the ground beef in a large bowl. Sprinkle with the seasoning. Using your hands combine the seasoning and meat. Form into 8 small equally-sized balls.
  • Add meat to the grill. Push down with a spatula to flatten into patties.
  • Season the tops of the burgers with a small pinch of garlic salt. Cook 4-5 minutes per side, flipping once, or until the desired doneness is achieved.
  • Brush burger patties with any additional garlic butter and top with cheese. Let melt slightly.
  • Serve patties on toasted buns and enjoy!

Nutrition

Calories: 566kcal | Carbohydrates: 31g | Protein: 31g | Fat: 34g | Saturated Fat: 15g | Polyunsaturated Fat: 2g | Monounsaturated Fat: 13g | Trans Fat: 2g | Cholesterol: 111mg | Sodium: 1623mg | Potassium: 444mg | Fiber: 1g | Sugar: 6g | Vitamin A: 298IU | Vitamin C: 1mg | Calcium: 421mg | Iron: 4mg

Nutritional values are approximate.

Smash Burgers with Zesty Sauce

Oh me. This is why today was a happy day. A very happy day. I made smash burgers with zesty sauce. Nothing could make me happier. Perfectly cooked patties with that awesome smash burger crust. Lettuce. Onion. And then there’s the sauce. The amazing sauce. Everything good is in the sauce. Including soy sauce. That’s where this sauce went from fantastic to amazing.

Smash Burgers with Zesty Sauce

I can’t say enough how great these smash burgers with zesty sauce were. And they checked one of my required boxes for burgers: messy. The messier, the better. If it isn’t messy it doesn’t have enough ‘stuff’ on it. These burgers have stuff and then some.

Making these burgers isn’t difficult. You don’t need a bunch of fancy equipment or a lot of time. Just a hot griddle and a burger press. Any griddle will do, whether it’s on a grill (I use my Weber), cooktop, stove or even a standalone outdoor flattop. Just get those patties nice and thin and use quality fresh toppings. And a great sauce.

Also try my steakhouse smash burgers.

Smash Burgers with Zesty Sauce
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5 from 1 vote

Smash Burgers with Zesty Sauce

The perfect burgers with the perfect sauce.
Course Main
Cuisine American
Keyword smash burgers
Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 20 minutes
Servings 4
Calories 721kcal

Ingredients

For the sauce (makes extra)

For the burgers

  • 1 pound ground beef formed into four 4-ounce patties
  • kosher salt to taste
  • ground black pepper to taste
  • 4 hamburger buns
  • 4 slices cheddar cheese or American cheese
  • 4 pieces iceberg lettuce torn or chopped
  • 4 slices tomato
  • 4 slices onion
  • 6 slices dill pickle

Instructions

For the sauce

  • Combine all ingredients. Refrigerate at least 30 minutes before serving.

For the burgers

  • Fire up your grill for direct medium-high heat cooking. You can also use an outdoor or indoor griddle or a large skillet on a stove.
  • Season the burger patties with salt and pepper on both sides. Don’t be shy with the seasoning.
  • Place the patties on grill. Smash down with a spatula or grill press.
  • Grill the burgers for 2-3 minutes per side.
  • Top the patties with cheese and grill until they’ve reached your desired doneness and the cheese is melted. Remove from the grill.
  • Toast the buns as desired.
  • Make the burgers by first spreading some of the sauce on the bun bottoms.
  • Add a burger patty.
  • Add onion, lettuce, tomato and pickle slices.
  • Slather the top bun with more of the sauce and serve.

Notes

Patties 4-5 ounces in weight work best.

Nutrition

Calories: 721kcal | Carbohydrates: 32g | Protein: 30g | Fat: 52g | Saturated Fat: 16g | Polyunsaturated Fat: 14g | Monounsaturated Fat: 16g | Trans Fat: 1g | Cholesterol: 109mg | Sodium: 2660mg | Potassium: 823mg | Fiber: 5g | Sugar: 10g | Vitamin A: 1348IU | Vitamin C: 13mg | Calcium: 349mg | Iron: 5mg

Nutritional values are approximate.

Bacon and Cheese Stuffed Mushrooms on the Char-Broil Big Easy

These bacon and cheese stuffed mushrooms on the Char-Broil Big Easy are the perfect grilled appetizer. Tender mushrooms that still have a little ‘bite’ to them. The cheese mixture is fantastic. Three different cheeses and a little seasoning combine with bacon and bell pepper for bite after bite of deliciousness. I say ‘bite’, but if you use small mushrooms you can pop these little treats into your mouth like popcorn. Sure, I did.

Bacon and Cheese Stuffed Mushrooms on the Char-Broil Big Easy

These disposable Dutch oven pans are perfect for making these bacon and cheese stuffed mushrooms on the Char-Broil Big Easy. They’re the perfect size for this recipe and they’re the perfect size for the Big Easy basket or bunk bed basket. They’re sturdy so you don’t have to worry about them collapsing. I use them for a lot of my Big Easy dishes.

I highly recommend that you shred or grate your own cheese at home. Don’t buy the pre-shredded or pre-grated stuff. It has stuff added to it to keep it from sticking together. That ‘stuff’ affects how the cheese melts. Shred it yourself and use the good stuff.

You can pre-make these mushrooms by doing steps 1-8 then refrigerating the mushrooms for later. Then, when you’re ready to finish them, remove them from the fridge and let come to room temperature for 30 minutes before transferring to a pre-heated Big Easy to cook and heat thoroughly.

You can also make these on a grill.

Bacon and Cheese Stuffed Mushrooms on the Char-Broil Big Easy
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5 from 1 vote

Bacon and Cheese Stuffed Mushrooms on the Char-Broil Big Easy

These are the perfect easy appetizers.
Course Appetizer
Cuisine American
Keyword mushroom, stuffed
Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 45 minutes
Servings 6
Calories 159kcal

Ingredients

  • 8 ounces mushrooms 12-16 small whole mushrooms
  • 4 tablespoons butter melted
  • kosher salt to taste
  • 4 ounces cream cheese softened
  • ½ cup Parmesan cheese shredded or grated
  • ¼ cup Mozzarella cheese shredded
  • 2 slices bacon (plus more for garnish if desired) cooked and finely chopped
  • ¼ green bell pepper (plus more for garnish if desired) very finely chopped
  • cayenne pepper to taste
  • paprika to taste
  • parsley chopped, for garnish, if desired

Instructions

  • Preheat your oven to 400 F. Spray a small disposable pan with non-stick spray.
  • Clean the mushrooms and remove the stems.
  • Dip the mushrooms cap-side down into the butter and place onto the baking dish cap-side up.
  • Pour the remaining butter into the baking dish.
  • Sprinkle the mushrooms with salt. Bake 10 minutes. The mushrooms should just be soft and most of the water in them should be cooked out.
  • In a medium bowl, combine the cream cheese, Parmesan, Mozzarella, bacon, bell pepper and a pinch or so of cayenne. Add salt to taste.
  • Using a small spoon, gently fill each mushroom with the cheese mixture. Mound it up high. Place in a small disposable pan that will fit onto the Big Easy or place directly on a Big Easy basket or Bunk Bed Basket.
  • Sprinkle tops of the mushrooms with paprika.
  • Fire up your Big Easy and let it get good and hot.
  • Transfer the basket and/or pan to a Big Easy basket and place into the cooker. Cook 15-20 minutes or until the stuffing is hot.
  • Garnish with more bacon, bell pepper and parsley if desired and serve.

Nutrition

Calories: 159kcal | Carbohydrates: 3g | Protein: 8g | Fat: 13g | Saturated Fat: 7g | Polyunsaturated Fat: 1g | Monounsaturated Fat: 4g | Trans Fat: 0.01g | Cholesterol: 34mg | Sodium: 283mg | Potassium: 193mg | Fiber: 0.5g | Sugar: 2g | Vitamin A: 388IU | Vitamin C: 5mg | Calcium: 154mg | Iron: 0.3mg

Nutritional values are approximate.

Smash Burger Patty Melts

My wife and I had lunch at a burger pub the other day. She ordered their patty melt. It looked (and was) delicious. She said it was the best patty melt she’d ever had. “A challenge!” I thought. Time get make something even better. At home. And I did. These smash burger patty melts are now the best patty melts she’s ever had. They’re tastier. Juicer. And less messy. And made with our favorite, smash burgers instead of overly-thick patties.

Smash Burger Patty Melts

To make smash burger patty melts, you’ll need some sort of griddle or grill pan or even cast iron skillet for your grill. I use a big ole cast iron griddle. Yes, I have one for most of my grills because they’re great for more than just burgers. I find myself using them all of the time. They don’t take up the entire grill surface so I can still cook on the grates too if I need.

I don’t go crazy nuts obsessing about it, but I like to keep my griddle pretty clean. Specially if I’m toasting bread. No one wants yesterdays chicken on today’s Texas toast. I use these scrubby pads attached to a long handle holder that prevents me from burning myself.

Last, I gotta get my patties thin and spread out. I use a burger press. I wrap the bottom in foil for easy clean up. This press makes for fantastic smash burgers with the right thickness so I get that little crunch around the edges. Perfect!

Also try my not-so-plain plain ole smash burgers and my pub sauce smash burgers!

Smash Burger Patty Melts
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5 from 1 vote

Smash Burger Patty Melts

Flavor-packed patty melts that never disappoint!
Course Main
Cuisine American
Keyword burgers
Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 30 minutes
Servings 4
Calories 787kcal

Equipment

Ingredients

For the sauce

For the burgers

  • mayonnaise
  • 8 pieces Texas Toast
  • 4 tablespoons unsalted butter cut into squares, divided
  • 1 large sweet onion sliced thin
  • 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
  • 20 ounces ground beef I prefer 5 ounce patties for this. You don't have to be super accurate with the weight.
  • your favorite burger seasoning to taste. Salt and pepper works great too
  • 4 slices Swiss cheese
  • 4 slices pepper jack cheese

Instructions

For the sauce

  • Whisk together all ingredients in a small bowl.
  • Cover and refrigerate until ready to use.

For the burgers

  • Fire up your grill with a griddle or grill pan over direct medium-high heat.
  • Clean your griddle well. I use a brush and water, it works better than a scraper. Just be careful adding water to a hot griddle. DO NOT have any body parts nears the griddle when you add the water as it will instantly create a cloud of very hot steam. Then scrub, scrub, scrub. Repeat as necessary. You want the griddle clean to toast the bread.
  • Lightly spread a thin layer of mayonnaise on one side of each slice of bread. Working in batches if necessary, lay the bread mayo-side down on the hot griddle and toast for 2-3 minutes or until lightly brown and crunchy.
  • Flip and lightly brown the non-mayo sides too. Remove to a plate for the final assembly step.
  • Once the griddle is hot add 2 tablespoons of butter. Once melted add the onion and cook for 20 minutes or longer, until they are golden brown and caramelized. Stir and flip often with a spatula or tongs. If they start to burn reduce the heat. If they get too dry add a bit more butter.
  • Stir in the Worcestershire sauce and cook for 1 more minute. Remove to a bowl and cover with foil or a plate to keep warm.
  • Form burger into 4 5-ounce patties. Don't pack them tightly, just get them lightly shaped.
  • Season beef on both sides. Don't be shy with it.
  • Add remaining 2 tablespoons of butter to the griddle. Add the burgers. Let them cook for 3 minutes then smash out as thinly as possible using a burger press.
  • Continue cooking burgers until you see a bit of a crunchy edge. Flip.
  • Cook burgers another 3 minutes. Add 1 slice of Swiss and 1 slice of pepper jack to each patty.
  • Divide the onion between the patties. Grill another minute or two to melt the cheese.
  • Divide sauce between the non-mayonnaise sides of the bread. Use a little or a lot, it's up to you.
  • Add the cooked patties and top bread slices and serve!

Notes

This recipe is best made using a griddle on a gas or charcoal grill. You can also use a griddle grill. If you don’t have a griddle you can use a large cast iron skillet, but you’ll have to cook the burgers in batches.

Nutrition

Calories: 787kcal | Carbohydrates: 12g | Protein: 35g | Fat: 66g | Saturated Fat: 27g | Polyunsaturated Fat: 10g | Monounsaturated Fat: 22g | Trans Fat: 2g | Cholesterol: 173mg | Sodium: 621mg | Potassium: 620mg | Fiber: 1g | Sugar: 8g | Vitamin A: 742IU | Vitamin C: 9mg | Calcium: 369mg | Iron: 4mg

Nutritional values are approximate.

Copycat Pizza Hut Meaty Marinara Pasta

I don’t know what happened. I can’t explain it. It was the day after Thanksgiving, it’s not like I was starving, not by any means. But after the first bite of this copycat Pizza Hut meaty marinara pasta I was suddenly very hungry. I could not get enough of it. It’s just flat-out delicious and it hit the spot on a cool November day. I’d make this dish again and again, exactly like it’s written.

Copycat Pizza Hut Meaty Marinara Pasta

The sauce in this copycat of Pizza Hut’s meaty marinara pasta is absolutely delicious. I’d definitely use it over spaghetti or in lasagna. And you have to have the cheese, and you have to get it just a bit browned. Oh… me yes! It is so good! I flashed back to the days of the Pizza Hut buffets where you’d find this great dish, pizza slices and crispy yummy salads!

I highly recommend that you shred or grate your own cheese at home. Don’t buy the pre-shredded or pre-grated stuff. It has stuff added to it to keep it from sticking together. That ‘stuff’ affects how the cheese melts. Shred it yourself and use the real stuff.

Also try my copycat Pizza Hut Pan Pizza.

Copycat Pizza Hut Meaty Marinara Pasta
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4 from 18 votes

Copycat Pizza Hut Meaty Marinara Pasta

I'd make this dish again and again, exactly like it's written.
Course Main
Cuisine American
Keyword copycat, pasta
Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 1 hour
Servings 8
Calories 486kcal

Ingredients

Instructions

  • Place the ground beef in a medium sized bowl.
  • Add the flour, 1/4 teaspoon of the salt, 1/4 the pepper, and all of the fennel seed. Using your hands, mix well.
  • Heat a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the beef mixture and cook, breaking it up, until cooked through. Remove the beef to a paper towel-lined plate.
  • Remove any excess grease from the pan. Add the oil. Reduce heat to medium-low.
  • Add the onion and cook for 1 minute.
  • Add the garlic and stir, continuing to cook until the onion is just starting to soften.
  • Add the tomato sauce, crushed tomato, Parmesan, basil, sugar, oregano and the remaining 1 teaspoon of salt and 1/4 teaspoon of ground black pepper.
  • Increase heat to medium, stirring often, until the sauce starts to bubble.
  • Stir in the ground beef mixture and reduce the heat to medium-low so the sauce simmers. Let cook 30-45 minutes, stirring often, until thickened.
  • Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Add the pasta and cook for 15 minutes, stirring often.
  • Drain the pasta.
  • Spray a 9" x 13" baking dish with non-stick spray.
  • Add half of the pasta and spread it out evenly. Top with half of the sauce, spreading it out evenly also.
  • Add remaining pasta, again spreading it out evenly. Add the last of the sauce and and spread out evenly.
  • Preheat your oven broiler to high.
  • Sprinkle cheese over top of the dish, getting it from edge-to-edge.
  • Place the dish under the broiler and broil for 2-4 minutes, keeping an eye on it, until the cheese just starts to brown.
  • Remove and serve.

Nutrition

Calories: 486kcal | Carbohydrates: 47g | Protein: 25g | Fat: 21g | Saturated Fat: 9g | Polyunsaturated Fat: 1g | Monounsaturated Fat: 8g | Trans Fat: 1g | Cholesterol: 66mg | Sodium: 655mg | Potassium: 333mg | Fiber: 2g | Sugar: 4g | Vitamin A: 258IU | Vitamin C: 1mg | Calcium: 211mg | Iron: 2mg

Nutritional values are approximate.

Funniest quotes from Carnival Eats

I absolutely love Carnival Eats. The show airs on the Cooking Channel with host Noah Cappe, who is absolutely hilarious. I can’t think of a better, funnier person to have travel around from fair to fair, sampling the craziest foods you’ve ever heard of. I always end up laughing at Noah’s antics, and I always end up hungry after seeing the food!

Funniest quotes from Carnival Eats

I’ve never missed an episode of Carnival Eats. I like it so much that I decided to make a post of the funniest lines from the show. Some funnies are from Noah, some from guests, and all are hilarious! Enjoy!

Guest’s comments are in quotes, everything else is pure Noah! There are some real gems in here so you gotta read them all!

– Holy crepe this thing sounds good.
– Now, if I know you, and I don’t, you’ve got one all ready to go.
– It’s a party and we’re both invited.
– (eating) I’m taking a moment for me…
– (covered in powdered sugar) It looks like we both just fooled around with a snowman.
– Have you ever eaten an Indian taco with two people staring at you?
– I know we just met, but can I throw out just a thought? … Maybe a bit of a bigger bowl?
– I don’t know what heaven smells like… but I imagine it’s at the bottom of that deep fryer.
– I want to see how we can get this in my mouth as soon as possible.
– Oh wowsers, it’s so hot… you gotta let that baby breathe for a minute.
(eating crab) Seven minutes ago this thing was making a run for it.
– I feel like I could spit fire right now.
– (eating deep fried Margarita) One more of these and I’m going to go into Spring Break mode.
– Now to the three sweetest words in television… to the fryer!
– Let’s light the torch for the meat Olympics.
– I hope you got a flu shot, cuz this thing is sick!
– There goes your “I’m going to eat this gracefully on the show” plan.
– Did we just become best friends? … “We’re best friends!” … I meant the sandwich…
– Where do we begin? “We need to rub our butt” It was only a matter of time…
– You’re in the carpool lane to my heart.
– (to chef who was on Chopped) You spend your time slumming with these bottom-feeder shows, you’re now ready for Carnival Eats.
– That’s a little disc of flavor.
– I’m so workshopping it but there’s something there.
– This is a special, special moment.
– Put some south in your mouth.
– Did someone say ‘weenies’?
– Your life is about to change in a wonderful way.
– This burger is so good, they named a fair after it.
– “…about 3 years ago we had a musical festival in town.. there was no corn dogs” I hate this festival already.
– “First we have to make the batter.” Batter up!
– I’ve got a burning desire for what’s in the fryer!
– Have you ever seen a leprechaun? “I haven’t seen a leprechaun.” Well, there goes all my other questions.
– Now, of course the state of Pennsylvania is famous for its Philly cheesesteak but we’ve got a meat-on-bun combo that’s giving me nasty thoughts.

Funniest quotes from Carnival Eats


– Sounds like an R&B song “Girl, let’s sweat you down”.
– How did you get into this business? “I guess I just wanted to be my own boss.” If my boss wasn’t watching I’d say the same thing.
– I just want to watch you eat… Is that creepy?
– This sandwich is so good, it made donuts bad.
– (frying frogs legs) You gotta ease them in, like when you’re walking into a cold pool.
– You’re a cop, making donuts… that explains this (holds rolling pin).
– “Are you having a flavorgasm?”
– Add up my points, book a flight, I’m going on vacation.
– Where is the waiter with our wine?
– I’ve popped a few bottles in my life.
– So you’re saying it’s …. time to get saucy?
– I love how you waited to say the hot part after I took a sample.
– I like how you went in with a grown-up bite.
– It’s thick. “No it’s not thick, it’s perfect” Sorry, I meant to say it’s perfect.
– “There’s only two types of people in this world, a tartar boy and a cocktail sauce man”
– “It’s like my basic food groups: sugar, sugar and sugar”
– We got a big day ahead of us, and by we I mean you, so what’re you doing man, we gotta get going!
– (taking bite) My goodness, I love my life.
– I’m not saying you’re short, I’m saying that this is enormous!
– “It’s got everything you want, you just didn’t realize you wanted it until you have it.”
– “This is a smile in a bowl.”
– “Everything deep fried is like a million times better.”
– I’m all about whatever that’s about.
– Make some noise for grandma.
– Smellavision.. for the love of god, somebody invent it.
– Like any good cowboy, you’ve gotta glove up.
– “I thought, you know, I’m going to ‘dough’ for it” I was saving that joke for later but.. uh…
– “I’m going to get a little dirty now, you ready?” Uh….. yes….?
– I’m trying to come up with the excuse that I can give my parents to explain why I’m not coming over for Thanksgiving this year because I’m probably going to be at your house.
– You’re the Elliott from the Home Ec award? “Yes I am, in the flesh”. Holy moly.
– I need to sit down because I’m feeling light-headed. There’s just so much banana, so much goodness.
– I’m not the one that has to clean it up, we can get as messy as we want.
– “I’m not sure what I’m enjoying more here, this poutine or the friendship that you and I are creating.” Now you have to share with me, because that’s what friends do.
– Want to taste a piece? “Don’t give me a pity bite.” I don’t want to give it to you, just trying to be nice. “Too late!”
– This is getting ridiculous and I love it!
– No glove, no love, man.
– “Maybe we’ll hire you in the funnel cake stand” I’ve got a job, eating funnel cake. That’s why we’re a brilliant team.
– When the boats come out, it’s time to shout!
– So you grew up in this business, you know this industry. “No I didn’t, I went to school for interior design.”
– Does this officially make me a hillbilly? “Yes.” Guess it’s time to update my business cards.
– If only your eyes lit up like that when you talked about me.
– The perfect bite is every bite.
– That’s salt, pepper, garlic and…. love? “Maybe.”
– “You really can’t mess it up.” Oh, I’ll find a way, I’ll find a way!
– Oh it’s pretty and it’s gonna be pretty gone in a second.

Funniest quotes from Carnival Eats

– (discussing scorpion pizza, where the poisonous tails have been removed) So we’re safe? 100 percent? “Well, 99.”
– “There is no right, only tasty.”
– You just got soft served.
– Oh, I’ve never seen one explode like that. I don’t know if that’s you… “Maybe it’s just excited to see me.”
– … and half of a beer” What do you do with the other half? (while drinking it) Well, I usually like to conserve it for something else… but I guess we won’t do that this time.” Oops.
– How do you go back to eating a normal burger after this. “I’m actually texting the other burgers to let them know their day is done.”
– (pineapple slides off table onto floor) One of the things I forgot about pineapple is that it’s super slippy…
– Set your destination for my mouth. Aye, aye Captain!
– This may be grape growing country, but there’s nothing to whine about here.
– You do what you gotta do and apparently what you need to do “is finish my spaghetti ice cream” … and my sentences.
– “How do you deep fry something that is 92% water?” Is it multiple choice and is one of the choices ‘I don’t know’?
– Don’t you dare tell me that’s a secret spice. “That’s a secret spice.” I just said don’t you dare tell me that.
– And there’s stuff I want to stuff into my mouth hole!
– Students please be seated. It’s assembly time.
– “It’s like a convenience store in a burger. It’s got everything you want.”
– Those marshmallows are.. ‘They’re gi-gant-normous!”
– Is there anything better than sitting around roasting marshmallows? “I don’t think so” Well, you’d be wrong….
– This is where things really start to get…. “Hot”. What he said.
– “Why don’t you take a little bit of egg and put it on your hand like this” I just want to massage somebody right now…
– “Go with the flour first, about so much.” So, if you’re trying to make this at home, it’s about… so much….
– “…and I add a secret ingredient.” Are you going to tell me? “No, because it’s meant to be sold, not told.”
– There’s a good chance I’m going to be at your next family reunion.
– Where’s that going to go? It’s physically bigger than your stomach area.
– You know the saying ‘When in Rome do as the Romans do’. So we’re going to do that… but with food.
– So good it’ll make you say Holy… “Cannoli”
– I don’t wanna say perfectly…. but I will say without a single mistake
– Everything goes down easy when it’s cheesy.
– Can there be too much cheese? “I don’t think so”. No. That was a trick question.
– “Stay cheesy, my friend.”
– “I didn’t come to the fair to drink water and eat lettuce wraps.”
– Can I tell you something about this gravy? “Please do” He put sour cream into it. “Stop!”
– “… you’re going to get that nice rich Italian flavor into it.” Some of the things you say get me so excited.
– Do I have to share it? “If you want.” I don’t.
– “Make your patties about the size of a golf ball.” Then throw it deep into the woods where the rest of my golf balls go.
– Cooking for inmates and cooking for me is very similar. We’re aggressively hungry and really don’t contribute in any way.
– Never thought I’d say this sentence…. We’re about to deep-fry this pizza.
– Done! “We’re not done.” Not done!
– If only your eyes lit up like that when you talked about me.
– It was the (funnel cake) trailer or her…. and we’re in the trailer!
– “When you don’t have the show you can come do this.” What do you mean ‘when we don’t have the show’?
– Big fan of Ranch? “Yeah, I am, put that on everything” Cereal? (gets weird look) Not everything…
– “Only the hungry need to apply here.” I’d like to interview.
– If this Lone Star corn dog was a human being would you date it? “I wouldn’t date it, I’d marry it!”
– Unicorns, let’s just end the debate right now. They’re real. “Absolutely.” – You’ve seen one. “Hmmmm hmmmm, so majestic.”
– When in doubt, bacon it out.

Funniest quotes from Carnival Eats

– “It’s not your regular cinnamon, just has a little extra kick to it.” sniff Yeah, she didn’t lie.
– “This smells like love on a bone.”
– This things like on the Russian Olympic team!
– You’ve taken the best and made it … bester…
– All of the seeds have been scraped out of those jalapenos…. and I want to thank you for that.
– That is the difference between prime rib and prime time… (looking into camera then glances to side) Oh, we’re not going to commercial?
– “We don’t normally drink it (jalapeno juice) like that.” cough Thanks for stopping me…
– All we need now is a fork and a man who’s willing to do some damage. “I just happen to have a fork right here.” And I just happen to know a man…
– I like to sprinkle it around even though it doesn’t really probably doesn’t make a difference. I think it makes people think that I know what I’m doing.
– … don’t skewer this up…
– You know what they say. “When in Rome, fly to Maryland to get a Baltimore Club.”
– “And the fresh fruit as well!” Is that what that’s called? Fruit?
– As it turns out you don’t need sauce. You just need an 8-foot pit, and 24 hours and a crane.
– (standing in smoke from smoker) I feel like I’ve just watched the Notebook… Why doesn’t she just accept that he loves her!
– “It’s an award-winning dish.” Congratulations. “Thank you.” Let’s see if you can win the greatest award of all. My heart.
– I know you’re on a diet, this (takes food from customer’s bag and eats) is because I’m helping you. “You really care. I see that.” You’re welcome.
– I think this is the beginning of a long, beautiful friendship. “Great. I’m glad.” I was talking to the burger.
– This might be the best day of your life. “(guy eating burger) It could be.” Do you have kids? “I do.” Oops, this might be uncomfortable for them.
– “Add a little bit of H20… So we’re sweating this down…” Sounds like an R&B song ‘Girl let’s sweat you down’….
– It’s like a treasure chest of deliciousness.
– Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to the fryer we go!
– This rub is your recipe. “The odds of someone else having it are slim to none.” Until today.
– “When it’s messy it’s always better.” Then this batch should be delicious.
– You know what they say ‘The early bird gets the sandwich.’
– “… a little jalapenos” Your version of a little jalapenos and mine are very different.
– They can see that thing from space.
– Mom, love you. Whatever happens to me just know, I’m in a good place. (takes big bite of a burger)
– …To get somebody to say ‘I really love gizzards’, you’re doing something right man!
– If you’re watching TV and you’re a real estate agent, I’d like to buy a small summer home in Gizzard City.
– For the first time in my life I feel very small and dainty.
– Is this really working? You’d have thought it was im-pop-sicle…
– Love it when you talk fryer to me.
– “Might need a DE (eating rum-soaked pineapple). A designated eater.”
– Do me a favor, watch intently right over my shoulder to make me extra nervous.
– Bacon circles. “Check” Sassy attitude. “Check”
– (guy cutting sandwich into triangles) Triangles just like my mom (mouths to camera: I love you mom)
– “Here come get this, I’m going to get this all over my glasses.” What eating technique are you planning on using????
– “I’m going to teach you how to make our remoulade sauce.” So you’re saying it’s time to get … saucy?
– “It’s very fresh and very healthy.” And not deep fried. “Not deep fried.” Clearly, we’re in the wrong place.
– When you have this many ingredients, this many flavors, people say ‘There’s a party in my mouth.” This is passed party status. The cops are coming to shut this down.
– “You did a great job.” We did a great job…. watching me do a great job.
– It’s heaven in my mouth and I’m ready to go…
– They can take our eggs, but they’ll never take our freedom!
– I don’t want to brag but I kinda nailed it… I mean, would you agree? “I guess.”
– Where’s the rest of the suit (putting on face shield to keep from being burned). “It’s called being a man.” You got the wrong guy, buddy!
– The patties are very delicate? I’m very delicate as well. “Oh I can tell.”
– I’ve actually never had an artichoke before. “You’ll love it.” It’s not that I don’t like vegetables, artichokes look like pine cones.
– I’ve got 99 problems and bread is 98 of them.
I took a big bite. We might have to go to commercial.
– “There was nothing on our menu that had peanuts in it.” That’s a problem at the peanut festival.
– Juan, what have you done. “I think you’ve just fallen in love. With the Gordita.” Yeah, with the Gordita. Juan’s a great guy but he’s happily married.
– If you have a seatbelt in your sofa, for some weird reason, buckle up it’s about to get crazy!

Funniest quotes from Carnival Eats

– Like any good hot dog, we’re starting with the… popcorn.
– A lot of people love the sound of the ocean. For me it’s cracklin’ crispy bacon.
– “This is our sweet and sassy BBQ sauce.” Named after you? “Yeah, you got it.”
– What’s the response been? “Speechless.” Words cease to exist. I wanna be speechless. And I’m sure there’s a lot of people out there that would love to see me speechless as well.
– Why are we adding bacon into the actual the batter itself? “Because it’s delicious.” Guys, what were expecting, some kind of scientific answer?
– Have you figured out what to do with the second one? (lady eating slider) “Maybe share it with my husband.” So I guess we have to go get married!
– “Bun’s perfect. Hot dog’s perfect.” The company? “Perfect.”
– Great call sitting down. “I like to sit by a handsome man.” And I will keep the seat warm until he arrives.
– “As a kid, do you remember drinking the milk at the bottom of the cereal bowl.” Uh… I did that this morning.
– “I’ll divorce my wife and marry it (funnel cake) if I have to.” You don’t have to. “We’re safe, babe!”
– “Roll the shrimp in the flour.” It’s like an adult sandbox.
– (singing) Crunchy on the outside, potato on the inside. “Is that one of your originals?” Yeah, gonna be on Carnival Beats.
– When I came to the Renaissance Festival there was a few things on my list that I wanted to make sure I checked off. The most important was to confirm the king has beefy buns.
– Have you gone too far? “Probably.” Excellent, that’s what I want to hear.
– Have ever stood over a bowl like this with a spoon like this and thought about just directly tasting it? “No.” I’m not opening up to you any more you just embarrass me.
– “Can I get you a bib? I think you need it.” Is it alright if I call you mom? “No.”
– Mine (elephant ear) looks better than yours. “That one’s mine.”
– It does kinda feel like we’re in a coffee shop… Is there free wi-fi?
– If this is what happens when you have thirteen kids… (looks into camera) Honey, I’m coming home!
– My stomach just gave my mouth a High Five.
– How did you get into this? “I married into it. I worked for a concessionaire and I married his daughter.” Fast track. “Right. (laughing).
– “Why are these not served at Thanksgiving dinner?” They are, you’re just going to the wrong one.
– “You can’t have a nacho burger without the cheese.” Somebody tried it once, and they exploded.
– You have a good old-fashioned case of the blue balsamic.

Hawaiian Pork Burger

This Hawaiian pork burger is exactly why we should be eating more pork burgers. Packed with flavor and finished with great toppings, every bite was a treat. I could’ve opted to grill the pineapple, but I love the taste of fresh pineapple just as it is. That sweet flavor along with the tangy BBQ sauce really went along well with the slightly herby patties.

Hawaiian Pork Burgers

I’d make these Hawaiian pork burgers again. And again. I do recommend using a BBQ sauce with a slight smoky flavor. And a little spiciness wouldn’t hurt either since you’ve got that wonderfully sweet pineapple slice to contrast it.

I like to use a burger press when I make burgers. It, in combination with some patty papers, enables me to crank out a whole bunch of equally-sized burger patties in no time at all with little cleanup.

Also try my super-crazy-good pork burgers.

Hawaiian Pork Burgers
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Hawaiian Pork Burger

This Hawaiian pork burger is exactly why we should be eating more pork burgers. Packed with flavor and finished with great toppings, every bite was a treat.
Course Main
Cuisine American
Keyword burgers, pineapple, pork
Prep Time 2 hours
Cook Time 20 minutes
Total Time 2 hours 20 minutes
Servings 4 servings
Calories 540kcal

Ingredients

Instructions

  • In a large bowl combine the pork, green onion, ginger, allspice, and pepper.
  • Form into 4 equally-sized patties. Place on wax paper and refrigerate for up 2 hours.
  • Fire up your grill. Clean the grates well.
  • Lightly oil the outsides of the patties. Not much, just a bit so they don’t stick.
  • Grill the patties on one side for 5 minutes.
  • Flip and continue cooking until done, reaching at least 145 F internally. I took mine to 160 F because some folks still aren’t used to pink pork even though it’s fine to consume.
  • Optionally, brush the patties with BBQ sauce and grill the pineapple rings. I find grilled pineapple rings to be prone to falling apart unless cooked on a griddle, so I usually skip grilling them.
  • Remove the patties and let rest for 5 minutes.
  • Meanwhile, toast your buns if desired.
  • Assemble the burgers by brushing BBQ sauce on the inside of the buns.
  • Top the bottom bun with the ham, followed by the lettuce and pineapple.
  • Add the pork burger and serve.

Nutrition

Calories: 540kcal | Carbohydrates: 49g | Protein: 29g | Fat: 26g | Saturated Fat: 9g | Cholesterol: 82mg | Sodium: 565mg | Potassium: 1213mg | Fiber: 7g | Sugar: 20g | Vitamin A: 26798IU | Vitamin C: 41mg | Calcium: 241mg | Iron: 6mg

Nutritional values are approximate.

Roasted Hatch Chiles

I received an email the other day from our local Fresh Market saying they had cases of Hatch chiles available for order. Well, I thought, that’s something new for me, so I’ll do it. I’ve never prepared or cooked fresh Hatch chiles, I’ve just used the canned ones you get in the supermarket. My plan was to roast them all, and I did. I also got to find out how big a case of Hatch chiles is: 18 pounds. Over 150 peppers. Yep, over 150 peppers.

Roasted Hatch Chiles

I fired up my largest charcoal grill and got to work. Batch after batch, I roasted the Hatch chiles until lightly charred. My plan was to only use a few of the roasted chiles immediately, so most went into bags and then the freezer for use later. After I got a system down roasting them was actually very easy. And boy, did it ever smell fantastic on the desk.

I froze the chiles whole without removing stems, membranes or seeds. I found that they clean up quite easily when thawed and maybe (maybe) have more flavor that way. Plus, with 150+ peppers, I was definitely not up to cleaning that many peppers in one evening. Roasting them was enough of a chore!

Perhaps I should get one of those big chile roasters you see in serious pepper-roasting folk’s yards…. Hmmmm…. A new toy

Roasted Hatch chiles are fantastic in my pimento cheese sandwiches and my queso dip.

Roasted Hatch Chiles
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5 from 1 vote

Roasted Hatch Chiles

I fired up my largest charcoal grill and got to work. Batch after batch, I roasted the Hatch chiles until lightly charred. 
Course Side
Cuisine American
Keyword peppers, roasted
Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 30 minutes
Servings 2 pounds
Calories 245kcal
Author Mike

Ingredients

  • 4 pounds Hatch chiles rinsed, patted dry

Instructions

  • Fire up a grill for direct cooking. If using a gas grill add a few wood chunks or shavings to add a smoky flavor.
  • Place the chiles directly over the fire.
  • Roast the chiles until mostly blackened and slightly charred on all sides, rotating as needed. I tried to get the peppers about 80% charred so that they still had some of their pepper texture.

If using the peppers immediately

  • Place peppers in a large resealable bag, container, or bowl covered with plastic wrap.
  • Let sit for at least 15 minutes and then remove the stems, membranes, and seeds. Peel off the skin but do not rinse under running water.

If saving to freeze

  • Place the peppers in large resealable bags.
  • Seal and let sit out until cooled.
  • Open the bags and remove as much air as possible. Re-seal and freeze until needed.
  • To use, thaw the peppers then remove the stems, membranes, and seeds. Peel off the skin but do not place under running water.

Nutrition

Calories: 245kcal | Carbohydrates: 61g | Sodium: 3021mg | Fiber: 30g | Sugar: 30g | Vitamin C: 109mg

Nutritional values are approximate.

Easy Owl Halloween Pumpkin

We’re taking a break from carving pumpkins this year. First up was our candy corn covered pumpkin, which came out great. Then we made this fantastic looking owl pumpkin. It’s quite easy to make, taking maybe 15 minutes from start to finish.

Owl Pumpkin

Ain’t it cute?

PS: I like to roast my pumpkin seeds on Big Easy! They’re crazy delicious!

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Easy Owl Halloween Pumpkin

Ingredients

  • 1 pumpkin pulp and seeds removed from the bottom (just cut a hole in the bottom big enough for your hand, but reserve the piece you cut out)
  • pencil
  • sunflower seeds use the ones from the snack aisle, they’re bigger, and not the ones for birds
  • hot glue gun with glue sticks
  • 2 craft sticks or better, 4 pointed flat bamboo skewers
  • a battery-powered pumpkin light
  • a stick from your yard, to use as a perch

Instructions

  • Hand-draw two circles for the eyes and an upside-down triangle for the beak.
  • Cut out the eyes and beak.
  • Working a few seeds at a time, glue the sunflower seeds around the eye holes, beginning with the outer circle first. Then add the inner circle, overlapping slightly with the outer row.
  • Cut each craft stick to be about 1 1/2″ long and stick into the pumpkin for the ears and two feet. Leave about 3/4″of the stick protruding from the pumpkin for the ears and 1/2″ for the feet.
  • Hot glue sunflower seeds onto the craft stick pieces. For the ears, glue 4 seeds at 45 degree angles, then one last seed at the top, making a point. For the feet, glue 2 seeds at 45 degree angles, then one last seed at the tip.
  • Place light on the base of the pumpkin and lower the pumpkin down onto it.
  • Place the stick below the feet as a perch.
  • Enjoy your work of art!

Candy Corn Covered Halloween Pumpkin

My wife and I always come up with at least one pumpkin each Halloween. Sometimes we carve them. Sometimes we paint them (chalkboard paint works great and it gives kids something to write on). One year we had a self-serve pumpkin that was awesome. And this year… candy corn covered Halloween pumpkin! It’s awesome!

Candy Corn Covered Pumpkin

Oh, yes, it does take a while to make this pumpkin. We used a pretty big pumpkin, and it took about 2 hours for the two of us to complete, however we only had one glue gun. With two we could’ve cut the time in half I’m sure. It was worth the time, though. And yes, we did the back too!

Candy Corn Covered Pumpkin

We kept our pumpkin hidden inside until Halloween because I’m quite sure the squirrels or raccoons or something would come along and eat all the candy off of it!

Also make my easy owl pumpkin. It’s always a big hit!

PS: I like to roast my pumpkin seeds on Big Easy! They’re crazy delicious!

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Candy Corn Covered Halloween Pumpkin

Author Mike

Ingredients

  • 1 large pumpkin
  • glue gun
  • 8-10 glue sticks
  • 5 bags candy corn

Instructions

  • Clean your pumpkin and dry it completely.
  • Fire up the gun and load it with glue.
  • Start by outlining the eyes, nose, and mouth with candy corn.
  • To apply the corn, squirt a 2″-3″ line of glue and quickly apply the corn. You want the corn to go on in fairly random patterns. Or not. It’s your pumpkin.
  • Now, just fill in the rest of the pumpkin with candy corn!